No Explanation Needed

by Jenny Ford


I’m going to start out this article with a personal anecdote.  Some of my clients know this, and some do not. But for as long as I can remember, I’ve never thought about, or considered having children on any level. ( I know, heavy right?)

It’s not that I don’t like children; it’s just not an interest of mine. In the same way that I’ve never considered entering a bowling league, or learning to drag race or watching televised sports, I’ve never really wanted to have children.  I’m completely aware of the fact that many people dream about having children, but again, people have their own dreams. I dream about traveling, and creating art and afternoons off with my husband and dog. It’s what I naturally want and think about.

That said, there are always people out there who want to question my reasoning. Many of these people are kind and sincere, a few of them are condescending and rude, some people want to tell me the (wrong) meaning behind my choices, but mostly people just want to know why. Why wouldn’t someone want this?

And I’ll be honest; I’ve falling into the explaining game. The game one plays when they feel the need to assign a deeper or greater meaning to something that is really simple. “I just don’t want to,” turns into, “Well, I prefer my freedom, I like my life, I want to do other things yada yada…”

At this point some of you may be wondering, what does this have to do with weddings? And let me tell you, it has so much to do with every wedding I plan. Something about planning a date with great life significance, breeds a perception that EVERY decision a client makes needs to be pregnant with meaning.

If you choose to do a non-traditional guestbook you have to type up a four-page memo that accompanies said nontraditional guestbook that explains your choice. If your ceremony incorporates non-traditional elements, you have to come prepared with the symbolism that explains every choice.

I want to be the first to say, actually, no you don’t. You don’t have to explain your wants. Sometimes people just like or dislike things because they like or dislike them. You don’t owe anyone a script or book to explain yourself. Now take a deep breathe and tell yourself, “I’m my own person, I can do what I want.” (Or don’t do that. It’s your choice. No explanation needed.)

The point I’m trying to make here is, that if you decide to incorporate Pac-man into your wedding day, you actually don’t have to wrack your brain to draw parallels between your romantic life and the plot to Pac-man. (Is there a plot? Can this be done? If so, I commend you.)

If you decide that you don’t like bouquet tosses, you don’t have to tell everyone it’s because you think it’s sexist and degrading to women. Unless you do, in which case, good on you- but if you really just think it’s not for you – that OKAY too. You don’t owe anyone that explanation.

It’s OKAY to want what you want because you want it. That’s it, y’all. Don’t let the haters get you down.